The power of giving something wanted

The act of giving gifts has been part of human interaction for centuries. While the reasons behind gifting vary depending on culture, beliefs and tradition, gifting has been a way of showing love and appreciation for the person receiving it at a special date or occasion.

Studies have shown that gifting helps define relationships and cement bonds with friends and family members. Interestingly enough, psychologists have often suggested that is often the giver, rather than the recipient, who reaps the biggest psychological gains from a gift.

In fact, experts agree that is important for humans to give gifts to their loved ones. Harvard psychology professor Elllen J. Langer told the New York Times once that not giving a gift to a loved one was a disservice to their friendship or relationship.

I personally like to give gifts as way of displaying my affection and love for friends and family. But one thing that has always bothered me was not knowing whether what I was giving was in fact wanted.

What does the gift recipient appreciate the most? Is it the gesture of a friend giving something that matters? Or do they appreciate more the gift itself and its usefulness? And wouldn’t gifting be more powerful if you could combine the gesture and meaningfulness of the gifts?

Giving something wanted seems to be the best case scenario for everyone involved. The recipient gets something needed; the giver has the satisfaction of knowing that the recipient is better off thanks to his or her present and the environment also benefits – as the chance of that gift finding its way into the garbage bin quickly is somewhat reduced.

About 18 months ago, we were brainstorming our ideas and plans for what later became Purposit. As part of that process, we conducted a short survey to find out what friends and family thought about giving gifts. Interestingly, the majority of participants mentioned that one of their major frustrations with buying a gift was not knowing if the gift purchased was actually wanted.

Not knowing what to give. Not knowing if the gift is needed or if it will ever be used or played with. That’s something that many well-intended friends and relatives pointed out as an issue when buying a present for a child.

But why is that frustrating? Does giving something unwanted feel like a waste of money? Do friends really want to give something useful but do not know what? Do they feel like they are letting the child – the receiver – down? All these answers were mentioned in our survey. At the end of the day, friends want to know that the gift is desired. More than hearing ‘thank you uncle Jack”, they want some assurance that their gift will make their kids’ life better, happier or more fun.

The next question is then why couldn’t they buy something needed? Busy schedules, frantic lifestyles and no time to find the right gift were common answers. Many also mentioned that they were not close enough to the parents of the child (eg. parents of a kid at your daughter’s class at school) to ask them what the child wanted.

Importantly, thought, some participants were at the other end of the spectrum. They proactively asked the parents about what to give or knew the child well enough to know what they wanted. A few also said that they felt like what they were giving had a special meaning – based on their connection, proximity and relationship with the child – hence they were confident that their gifts were useful.

We spent a lot of time understanding these answers. For us it was clear that Purposit should be a way of parents telling their loving friends and family – who have no time or proximity to the child to know better – what they would like their children to get. Purposit should also be a way for parents to start funding gifts that will take place in the future and require contributions from friends and family for a long period of time.

However, in our opinion, Purposit should not stop those friends who have the time to give something special on their own to do so.

The rationale is simple. If a friend uses Purposit, that’s great because the child will definitely be getting something meaningful today or in the future. But if a friend invited on Purposit decides not to use it and goes out to buy something, the gift will of course also be a special one. And that’s what matters the most to us: knowing that, one way or another, children will be getting gifts that are indeed helpful and wanted. It is all about making gifting as meaningful and powerful as possible.